My friends and I have been talking about "the past" these past two days and so I decided to write about it.
There is a song that echoes in my head called "The Past" by Ray Parker Jr. with lyrics that goes like this:
"I was wrong when I hurt you
But did you have to hurt me too
Did you think revenge will make it better?
I don't care about the past
I just want our love to last
There's a way to bring us back together"
Now let me dissect this stanza.
Boy, how I wish a certain someone would have said this line to me. I don't know if I will ever get an apology from such person. Anyway, that is not the point. While I agree that revenge will not make it better, I think it is presumptuous to say that there is a way to bring back "together" what has already been damaged. For love to last, it takes two mature individuals willing to make love work... and love IS work.
For some people, there is indeed a way to bring themselves back together and this is by making a common decision to do so. It would take a great deal of forgiveness and effort to start over. However, for some of us who have been groping in the dark and trying to move on, such a line gives false hope.
"'Cause there's no sense in going over and over
The same things as before
So let's not bring the past back anymore (no looking back, we can't look back)
(honey let's start again)"
Oh really now? Here's what I believe. I believe that it is impossible not to bring the past back when the people involved have not confronted their past, did not have closure, or in denial of the pain they have caused each other. That is why the past still haunts us even in the present because of unresolved issues. Either because one or both of you decided to run away from it. Why is it hard to forgive and forget? It's because there is nothing to forgive in the first place when you were just left hanging there dumbfounded.
Getting caught up in the past is addictive. It's like a drug. We return to it over and over again and blame it should something in the present goes wrong. It is also an excuse why we stay in the same place, the same situation, why we don't go after our goals, and why we prevent ourselves from opening ourselves to new people coming into our lives. It's because the past has taught us to distrust people, to distrust ourselves.
Imagine yourself shipwrecked and stuck in a shark-infested ocean. You are hanging on a slim chance for survival and hoping that a shark won't gobble you up. The ocean is perhaps one of the most terrifying places you could find yourself in. It is always shrouded in mystery of what lies beneath you. There is uncertainty if you would live or die.
Because you are afraid to take your chances and swim to any direction in the hope of finding dry land, you just wait there and tread til you are exhausted and wait for someone to rescue you. And then you are a goner. You become fish food. The point is, there is a time to tread, and a time to swim for it... to swim for your life. We cannot be stuck in that situation of uncertainty forever. We cannot just hope for a quick death without a staging a good fight.
Our past contributed to how we are shaped today. We have certain beliefs because of our past. We do not do certain things because of what we have learned before. Sad as it may be, it is not possible to change the past for we cannot buy back time. Most of the time. the past only leaves us with LESSONS. Lessons that we need to re-learn every now and then whenever we forget. Though we are somehow shaped by it, does our past define us? Or is it up to us if we will be the one to define our life?
A friend had asked me if given the chance to change the past if I would. It is very tempting and good to imagine. There are of course things in my past that I'm not particularly proud of, but I wouldn't necessarily say that I wish to change them for to change them means I would not have grown and I would not have the things I have learned now because of that. However painful my past have been, I cannot will them away because I treasured those memories too. I loved the people who was present in my past. I would not say that I stopped loving those people now because they are no longer here. But perhaps it is for the best.
Did I regret the past? Not at all. However, I wish I was wiser then and made better decisions. Who would want to not be together with their loved ones? Who does not want to be happy and a relationship that works? Shit happens along the way. But it doesn't have to be shitty all the way.
Sometimes, walking away from something or someone you love is the bravest thing someone can do. When you know staying together is not healthy and it doesn't give you peace of mind. They say if you love something/someone, you should fight for it. Not all the time. Sometimes letting go is also a way of fighting. A way of fighting to preserve all the good things you have in mind about that person when staying together is guaranteed to destroy and make you forget why you loved that person in the first place. Sometimes, leaving is the best option. It does not mean you do not love the person anymore. It only means you value yourself more to allow yourself to be treated unjustly. Everyone deserves to be happy and be treated right.
It is just now that I realized it that perhaps there were two great gifts an old flame had given me:
1. the happy memories - a love story like in the classics. a love story that could only be read in the books. a love story that could have been written by Leo Tolstoy that even if it ended in tragedy, will always be timeless.
2. him, pushing me away (and I eventually decided to leave) - because you allowed me to be the bigger and better person. Together, I would not have reached my full potential because I would always look back to see if you are catching up and if you would ask me to stop, I'll drop the whole world just to be with you. So perhaps I made the best decision to leave.
We cannot rewrite our past indeed, but we can always start today and make a new ending. We can always change the ending for we are not dead yet. Do not listen to those who urge you to move on. Move on at your own pace. It is a long and tedious process and it's different for each one. It's a daily battle but one day, when we have conquered our heartaches, and learn to forgive the offending party and ourselves, we learn that it is possible to be happy again. We realize that we still remember how to love and allow ourselves to be loved and we open ourselves to new lessons that must be learned.
But... if you are still stuck there in the ocean of uncertainty treading like hell, well.... HI SHARK! ;)
- From Leia's Beautiful Mind 05/10/13
There is a song that echoes in my head called "The Past" by Ray Parker Jr. with lyrics that goes like this:
"I was wrong when I hurt you
But did you have to hurt me too
Did you think revenge will make it better?
I don't care about the past
I just want our love to last
There's a way to bring us back together"
Now let me dissect this stanza.
Boy, how I wish a certain someone would have said this line to me. I don't know if I will ever get an apology from such person. Anyway, that is not the point. While I agree that revenge will not make it better, I think it is presumptuous to say that there is a way to bring back "together" what has already been damaged. For love to last, it takes two mature individuals willing to make love work... and love IS work.
For some people, there is indeed a way to bring themselves back together and this is by making a common decision to do so. It would take a great deal of forgiveness and effort to start over. However, for some of us who have been groping in the dark and trying to move on, such a line gives false hope.
"'Cause there's no sense in going over and over
The same things as before
So let's not bring the past back anymore (no looking back, we can't look back)
(honey let's start again)"
Oh really now? Here's what I believe. I believe that it is impossible not to bring the past back when the people involved have not confronted their past, did not have closure, or in denial of the pain they have caused each other. That is why the past still haunts us even in the present because of unresolved issues. Either because one or both of you decided to run away from it. Why is it hard to forgive and forget? It's because there is nothing to forgive in the first place when you were just left hanging there dumbfounded.
Getting caught up in the past is addictive. It's like a drug. We return to it over and over again and blame it should something in the present goes wrong. It is also an excuse why we stay in the same place, the same situation, why we don't go after our goals, and why we prevent ourselves from opening ourselves to new people coming into our lives. It's because the past has taught us to distrust people, to distrust ourselves.
Imagine yourself shipwrecked and stuck in a shark-infested ocean. You are hanging on a slim chance for survival and hoping that a shark won't gobble you up. The ocean is perhaps one of the most terrifying places you could find yourself in. It is always shrouded in mystery of what lies beneath you. There is uncertainty if you would live or die.
Because you are afraid to take your chances and swim to any direction in the hope of finding dry land, you just wait there and tread til you are exhausted and wait for someone to rescue you. And then you are a goner. You become fish food. The point is, there is a time to tread, and a time to swim for it... to swim for your life. We cannot be stuck in that situation of uncertainty forever. We cannot just hope for a quick death without a staging a good fight.
Our past contributed to how we are shaped today. We have certain beliefs because of our past. We do not do certain things because of what we have learned before. Sad as it may be, it is not possible to change the past for we cannot buy back time. Most of the time. the past only leaves us with LESSONS. Lessons that we need to re-learn every now and then whenever we forget. Though we are somehow shaped by it, does our past define us? Or is it up to us if we will be the one to define our life?
A friend had asked me if given the chance to change the past if I would. It is very tempting and good to imagine. There are of course things in my past that I'm not particularly proud of, but I wouldn't necessarily say that I wish to change them for to change them means I would not have grown and I would not have the things I have learned now because of that. However painful my past have been, I cannot will them away because I treasured those memories too. I loved the people who was present in my past. I would not say that I stopped loving those people now because they are no longer here. But perhaps it is for the best.
Did I regret the past? Not at all. However, I wish I was wiser then and made better decisions. Who would want to not be together with their loved ones? Who does not want to be happy and a relationship that works? Shit happens along the way. But it doesn't have to be shitty all the way.
Sometimes, walking away from something or someone you love is the bravest thing someone can do. When you know staying together is not healthy and it doesn't give you peace of mind. They say if you love something/someone, you should fight for it. Not all the time. Sometimes letting go is also a way of fighting. A way of fighting to preserve all the good things you have in mind about that person when staying together is guaranteed to destroy and make you forget why you loved that person in the first place. Sometimes, leaving is the best option. It does not mean you do not love the person anymore. It only means you value yourself more to allow yourself to be treated unjustly. Everyone deserves to be happy and be treated right.
It is just now that I realized it that perhaps there were two great gifts an old flame had given me:
1. the happy memories - a love story like in the classics. a love story that could only be read in the books. a love story that could have been written by Leo Tolstoy that even if it ended in tragedy, will always be timeless.
2. him, pushing me away (and I eventually decided to leave) - because you allowed me to be the bigger and better person. Together, I would not have reached my full potential because I would always look back to see if you are catching up and if you would ask me to stop, I'll drop the whole world just to be with you. So perhaps I made the best decision to leave.
We cannot rewrite our past indeed, but we can always start today and make a new ending. We can always change the ending for we are not dead yet. Do not listen to those who urge you to move on. Move on at your own pace. It is a long and tedious process and it's different for each one. It's a daily battle but one day, when we have conquered our heartaches, and learn to forgive the offending party and ourselves, we learn that it is possible to be happy again. We realize that we still remember how to love and allow ourselves to be loved and we open ourselves to new lessons that must be learned.
But... if you are still stuck there in the ocean of uncertainty treading like hell, well.... HI SHARK! ;)
- From Leia's Beautiful Mind 05/10/13
Comments
Post a Comment